Writing about anything has been difficult these past 6 months, thinking that any day I would magically start again, but that was not to happen. The longer it went on the more negative feelings it stirred up, to a point of feeling overwhelmed. I have talked to God often, praying for clarity, thinking the answer must be within my reach, but there was no quick answer to this and I had to really do some soul searching.
No one likes to have their character questioned, but it is part of living in this world and I should be at a place spiritually where I can overlook any judgements made upon myself. After all the worst thing that could happen to me has already come and gone…right? Of course I am speaking of when I lost a child to suicide in May 2008. So many of the things that once would “get under my skin” just didn’t anymore, those things didn’t hold any importance with me…except I discovered this past few months that wasn’t entirely true.
This is one of the many reasons why I speak and write so often about not judging others…it is impossible to love and judge another at the same time. This reminds me of some scripture…
God is Love. 1 John 4: 8 He that loves not, knows not God, for God is Love. 1 John 4:16 And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwells in love dwells in God, and God in him.
We do not know the horrible tragic things that others may be burdened with and everyone carries it differently. Of course I know now that I need not worry or fear anything, carrying those emotions will only block the love of God and I want nothing to hinder that relationship.
When my intentions are questioned about Messages For Hope, a ministry co-founded by my husband Chuck and me, I revert to an emotional, senseless shell of myself. It’s as if someone is questioning my very love for my missing daughter or doubting my grief…in a sense, negating the very experience and all the pain that we felt after our tragedy. This ministry would not exist had we not experienced this loss.
There has been years of soul searching since our loss and an important discovery about myself is that I have the ability, through the love of God, to love all his children and that I should love myself because I was made in his image (Gen 1:26,27). It doesn’t mean that I am conceited or have a “high” opinion of myself…it simply means that I understand what God intended for me.
Chuck and I choose to receive everyone we meet without judgement and with love, compassion, and empathy…it is our ministry of hope and healing, It is not important to us if they believe in God or if they follow any religious beliefs, we would never turn anyone in need away. They are all God’s children in our eyes whether they believe this or not and we treat them as such.
Our spiritual beliefs have been questioned many times along the way and it is disturbing that some can’t simply see our love of God through the work we do with our ministry. Again, I know that this is another thing I need to overlook and just continue doing what God intended for me to do.
So the lesson learned from my recent soul searching is people will do what people do, but I am going to love them anyway. The problem is not in what they say or do, but how I allow it to affect me. So if I have lost my voice…it’s my own fault. I need to change the way I do things so that I am always allowing God’s light to shine through me.
It would appear that I am “testing the waters” today by writing. Easy goes it for me while I find my solid footing once again.
Remember, everyday in every way, you are worthy...