The Out of the Darkness Community Walk that I discussed in my previous post was very important to my healing process and I feel it necessary to elaborate on the day....I have made it clear that my support system was slim and I had been doing as much research on the subject as time would allow. I was alone much of the time when not working at my "happy place" and not being able to talk to anyone about my loss was clearly taking a toll on my mental being. Life was a big pile of unknowns-I definitely was unprepared for the emotions of the walk----let me make this clear--I knew I would be emotional, but I didn't expect to find it as a comfort. I believe that my true healing started that day when I could see my loss on the faces of so many others that were suffering through the same thing. The whole idea of being with other people who were on the same "wavelength", finally, made a huge difference in my thinking. I realized that I was not alone (at least when I thought of all the other pain-filled faces). I needed to see that people who had been through this horrible loss had went on and that they now can smile and seem normal. I knew that the people around me where I live looked at me as if I was an alien from another planet. Finally, it gave me hope! Hope was a great feeling and I wore it like a shield. I was already looking forward to the next walk next year!
I had already made a decision to find out more about the "desperation thing" and so on Thanksgiving the next month I volunteered to work at preparing a Thanksgiving dinner for shut-ins and the homeless. I was, as always these days, very nervous about being around the homeless because I was afraid I would lose my composure and I knew that deep within what I was suffering was so different from their suffering. I have a nice home, car, clothes and all the necessities of life. When I arrived that morning at the church I was pleasantly surprised by all the very nice, normal people that were there to help. They were in all ages, races, backgrounds, but all there for one common goal--to help another less fortunate. I jumped right in and I enjoyed the thought of helping others very much. I was not however, really around the homeless enough to learn what I really needed to know. These people that came to help with Thanksgiving Dinner do this every year and at no other time through the year. I still needed to answer questions about how they clothed, stayed warm, where they slept, and how they ate.
I was happy to help that day and was glad to know that at least that one day each year the community united to make sure the shut-ins and homeless were served a lovely Thanksgiving Meal and this year will be my 3rd year helping.
My husband and I were both very sensitive to the "desperation thing" and as winter approached we became more concerned about the homeless, and would notice them everywhere-we were always giving them money and checking to see if they were clothed properly. Next I had to find out where to take clothes for them, where they slept, and how did they eat, beyond begging in the streets. I made many phone calls before I found a place called Manna Meals. They serve 2 meals to the homeless a day they said and they needed help so that is where I will pick up next.....