It DOES seem like it's been 2 months since my Amber died-2 very long months. I thought I would feel different in TWO months (like that really is a long time). The sadness is still horrible-it creeps in with such force that I have no control over my emotions. It does not matter what I'm doing, where I am, or who I'm with.....After living the last twenty years with absolute control over my feelings (not necessarily the best thing to do) this feels like madness. I don't know why I thought that this would be any easier to deal with-I suppose that was HOPE. I haven't given up hope and I still count my blessings. I still love God, my husband, my family, and friends. I am learning to trust again (and I mean people other than my husband, Rick, and Gina who I already trust with all of my being) and I HOPE that is not foolish. I have come to care about many people who are in my life-caring means that you can get hurt and I wonder how much hurt I can stand before breaking...I am wanting to stand strong again and hope that my loved ones can continue to be patient during this healing process (I suppose I will find out who really cares). I was at Books A Million today looking at books on learning to live with grief, but I found nothing... enlightening (also looked at books on etiquette (whole different blog). I hope that in another 2 months I have found a better way to cope with this tragedy besides just falling apart when I least expect it.
I do have many thanks to some special people in my life that have supported me during this terrible time. Of course the first person would be my dear husband Chuck. He has been my strength and has unselfishly done everything possible to help me and my family, all the while being personally effected by this tragedy as well. Thanks to many other loved ones who have shown special interest in supporting me.....Dola, Debbie, Angie, Anna, Oscar.
All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.
- Helen Keller